5 Lessons I Have Learned Since Moving To New York City
My friend and I often joke about how everyone should be mandated to spending at least 6-12 months of their life living in New York City. Why? Well, simply because this city will teach you more about life, yourself, relationships, faith, and just about everything else that life has to offer than a class, a course, a book, podcast, sermon, or anything else, ever could. I am wildly convinced that living in New York City is a cheat code. A cheat code to understanding yourself and seeing what you’re made of.
On August 25th 2021, my life was changed for the better, forever, as I made the decision to move from my tiny hometown in rural Colorado to Manhattan’s vibrant and culturally rich neighborhood, Harlem. Little did I know at that time, that everything that I knew of life, love, money, sex, friendships, opportunity and so much more was about to be flipped on its head. For a little over 4 years now, I have lived in numerous apartments throughout the borough of Manhattan. With each move, each season come and pass, each hustled walk down the busy city streets, each morning sat soaking up the sun on a bench in Central Park, each bizarre subways encounter, each friendly or unfriendly face… I have learned lessons that have expanded my perception of the world, and therefore my perception of myself.
While each one of these could have a whole post of their own, I’ve gathered 5 of the most profound lessons I’ve learned since moving to New York City.
1.) Never Judge a Book By Its Cover
My parents were right. One of the most foolish things that one can do is judge a book by its cover. While I am not discounting or dismissing intuition or trusting your inner compass here, what I am saying is that: I believe that every single one of us, no matter the cultural background, life experiences, socioeconomic status, traumas, etc. have predisposition biases.
Personally speaking, when I first moved to New York City, I had a mother-fucking-chip-on-my-shoulder. Like I mentioned, I am from a small rural town in Colorado. So small that there are actually more cows in the valley than there are humans. The fact that I mustered up the willpower, the grit, the “prove them wrong-ness” that got me from a town of 5,000 people to a city of 8 million is something that my ego wore as a badge of honor. I was 25 years old, I had overcome more adversity than most people I had ever met, I had newly launched and scaled a 6-figure company and quite frankly, I thought I was better than a lot of people. I was blinded by people who posed with their luxury bags, cars, apartments, trips, and lifestyles. If I wanted to live a “big life”, a “rich” life, those were the people I needed to be paying attention to… or so I thought.
Lucky for me, New York City has a way of humbling the shit out of you and gives you the opportunity to shift your perspective. Quickly upon moving here, I realized that, while there is absolutely nothing wrong with owning designer clothing, wanting to experience “exclusive” social circles or prioritizing luxury (ya girl loves her YSL bag and time away at a 5-star hotel) and that those things do hold some level of value…
Oftentimes it’s actually the doorman who’s been working for the same building his entire career who has the most valuable life lessons. That the taxi cab driver who came here to give himself and his family a better life, not only knows his way around the streets of NYC better than most but also knows his way around navigating life’s seasons better than most. That the unassuming bald man, who wears thick rimmed glasses, a graphic tee shirt and jeans every single day at your co-working space has managed and partied with more legendary rockstars than you’d ever imagine. That the woman who is a dog walker by day is an artist by night and is actively working towards making an impact in the lives of other women who have been abused. That every single person has a story to tell, a story that is more valuable than anything you can buy. That having a chip on your shoulder or any idea of who you “can” or “cannot” relate to due to where you are in life is a childish illusion, that should be left at the door no matter where you live.
2.) No One Cares (Unless You’re Exceptional)
New York City has offered anonymity in a way I didn’t know I needed. It’s been my playground to try new things, change my mind, be one person one day and a different person the next. To explore, to play, to actually dance like no one is watching, because truth is: they either aren’t watching and if they are, they don’t really care. In a city with millions of people that is simultaneously moving a million miles a minute, and has infinite options of what someone can be doing at any given moment, New Yorkers are too busy to buy into your bullshit.
And in the same breath, the moment New Yorkers start to care is when they notice something unique or exceptionally resonant within what it is that you are bringing to the table. Whether that be in the way you are dressing, the words you are saying, the art you are creating, the money you are making, the community you are building… zero fucks will be given unless something about what you’re doing speaks to a spark of inspiration inside of them. It’s almost like there is a hidden fabric that resides in the DNA of New Yorkers that can spot talent, trends, impact and what is worth knowing. There’s a reason that New York City is a cultural hub that then set trends for the rest of the USA.
This has felt like freedom and inspiration to me. I used to be the kind of girl that based my entire personality on other people’s approval. Shapeshifting to meet the wants of those I grew up around was my survival strategy to avoid the judgment and bullying I received otherwise. Soon after moving to New York, I realized that “skill” was useless. Living in NYC has given me the space, the opportunity and the encouragement to drop that old survival habit which has allowed me to become the woman I am today. A mix of honest, raw and reflective combined with a playful spirit that is always game for some tomfoolery.
The most important thing is that I now carry this energy with me everywhere I go. While NYC taught me to live my life fully and freely, it was just the catalyst to the true sense of freedom I was looking for internally all along. Now, when I go home to my little cow town, I don’t hide. When I travel to other countries, I express myself fully. When I show up online, I show up more authentically than I ever thought would be possible for me given how clearly I used to hide.
New York City is one giant permission slip to just be.
3.) The Power of Saying “Yes”
I think the world at large has become a little too obsessed with the idea of “protecting your peace” and only saying yes to something or someone if it’s a “full body, fuck yes”. In the era of “self-helpery”, I think we’ve lost the plot a bit… which is that, quite literally the entire point of life is the live it. Plain and simple.
The greatest stories that I can (and will) tell from my life thus far, and especially from my time here in New York City, come from the moments that I decided to say “ya know what, why not?” or “this scares the shit out of me, but yeah let’s do it”, or just plain “YES!”. From getting the suggestion to join a community of entrepreneurs that led me to some of my best friends in the city, to ending up at a benefit banquet that Leonardo DiCaprio and many other A-listers attended. From being asked by a random group of girls if I wanted to go smoke a joint with them in Washington Square Park and ending up having one of the most spontaneous nights of partying that I’ve ever had… to taking massive financial risks that didn’t pan out the way that I wanted them to but taught me more about myself than not taking the risk would have ever (and so many other wildly synchronistic moments in between). When you say “yes” to life, all that belongs to you in Divine right will appear in your life even if it doesn’t always appear in the way that you would have thought.
On the other hand, the moments I have said “no” out of fear—in some way, shape or form—are the moments I have found myself slipping into self-isolation and pessimism. A kind of self-isolation and lack where then I cut myself off from the magic that life is constantly trying to offer to us all. A default tendency of mine is to believe that “I need to figure it all out on my own” or “I can do this alone”. This is something that I learned early in life when it felt like I couldn’t trust the adults around me to take care of my needs. Force and control are two energies I know all too well, but they are only necessary when I stop trusting that life will naturally present me all of the opportunities I need. Kind of like a river that is ever in motion; when a beaver comes along and dams it up (i.e. when it stops the flow of the water) the water gets stagnant. Opening myself up to saying yes and allowing life to move through me, is without fail when I am met with what feels “right” for me and my path.
New York City is the land of possibility, but the only way to unlock the magic that each possibility has in store is by saying yes.
4.) Being Direct Isn’t Rude
Have I mentioned that I am from a small rural town in Colorado? (jokes obvi) And, do you wanna know what isn’t widely appreciated in small town Colorado? Being direct. But it doesn’t stop there, I was also raised by a mother who hails from England, and generally speaking… the British also pussyfoot around direct conversation. Plus a father who grew up in a family that doesn’t communicate with each other. The combination of the three of these things (and many other formative experiences, I am sure) led me to fear confrontation, advocating for myself, or basically any form of communication that could be received as “rude”.
Unless you want to get walked all over… like genuinely walked on, you gotta be direct in New York City. Like I mentioned in my previous lesson, New Yorkers don’t have the time to or the energy to care about what it is that you need if you’re not going to be clear, direct and take full accountability for yourself. When I first moved out here, I found the way that people would jump out in front of others on the sidewalk to be rude, but the more time I spend here the more I realize it’s the only way you’re going to get where you’re trying to get to. I found the directness in conversation to be abrasive, but the longer I have been here I actually realize how kind it is. I found that in the moments where I would be left guessing how someone felt in Colorado, there was no question here.
Little by little, and bit by bit through each moment of directness, from sidewalk etiquette to networking, from first dates to meeting friends that tell me the truth even when I don’t want to hear it, I’ve come to see that being direct is a form of genuine kindness. Not only from others, but also to yourself. The more direct you can be, the more clear you are on getting what it is that you want or to opening doorways that lead to greater opportunities, relationships and experiences. NYC mirrors back the energy of “ask and you shall receive” in way that not many other places do. But if you don’t ask for what you want, or state what you mean out of fear of being “rude” or “too much/not enough”, then you’ll be left in the dust.
5.) Resilience
Moving to New York City, for me personally, has been a crash course in resilience. For those of you who are unaware, New York City is often year after year ranked as “the most expensive city in the world”… It is also incredibly overstimulating, from how quickly everything is moving, to the sirens, car horns, people shouting, and a whole long laundry list of other dysregulating experiences. It is competitive in every aspect and essence of the word. Then tie in the fact that I am a single, female entrepreneur who moved here only knowing one other person and you’ll be able to see that my mind, my body and my spirit is just completely overwhelmed sometimes. This city has chewed me up and spit me out about 100x over in the past few years. It has challenged me in ways that I actually had no clue I could be challenged. It has actually brought me to my knees, in moments of prayer where I have cried and begged God to give me a break.
I can still remember being body checked into a trashcan by a man on drugs at 6:30am like it was yesterday. Or the moments I have stood on the subway platform, sobbing my eyes out as dozens of people walk past me without looking, after being broken up with. The moments where I am sicker than a dog and have had no family I could ask to come help take care of me and no car to go get medicine. And at the exact same time, I wouldn’t trade the challenges, the rejections, the “what the actual fuck just happened” moments for anything in the world because they’ve all allowed me to become a greater woman than I ever imagined I would be.
Just as a diamond is formed from being under an immense amount of pressure, I believe that is what NYC offers to those who are willing to weather the storms that this city sends your way. The sharpness of mind, ideas, ability to connect with others, go after what you want and move through the world with a deep sense of confidence I believe is a naturally byproduct of choosing to see the city as a playground for growth, as opposed to a force that is trying to tear you down.
There is a reason that Frank Sinatra sings “if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere”. New York City is tough, but so am I…
New York hasn’t just changed me. It carved me. It pushed me into the parts of myself I used to avoid and pulled out a version of me I didn’t even know was possible. And the wildest part is that I’m still learning from this place every single day. The city keeps showing me new edges, new depths, new versions of independence, faith, courage and softness that I haven’t met yet. Maybe that’s why I’ve stayed. Maybe that’s why I’ll keep staying. Because somewhere between the chaos and the clarity, I finally became someone I’m proud to grow with… and that’s the greatest gift I wouldn’t have even known to ask for.
xo, Kat
